Prepare Me

Alrighty, so you know how my last post was about the struggle that I have been having lately? Well this post is about something that the Lord has revealed to me during this struggle.

I was reading in 1 Kings 19 about Elijah. For those of you who don't know the story, Elijah became afraid for his life so he left his travel companion and took off alone. He ended up in the wilderness, plopped down frustrated and told the Lord that he had had enough! He told God to just kill him right then and there! Then he fell asleep!!

Well, this hooked me right away because I felt like I could relate. This place that I am in has caused me to fear that this might be with me the rest of my life. And I could also relate to Elijah pouring out to the Lord and then falling asleep!!  I might have had one or two crying episodes on my bed that promptly led to my conking out!!

So while Elijah is asleep an angel of the Lord comes and wakes him up and prompts him to eat and drink...Elijah does. Then he falls asleep again! That pouring session really wore him out!

A second time an angel of the Lord wakes him up and tells him to eat and drink again. This time though the angel continues and say he needs to do this because the journey is too much for him. Elijah consumes the meal and is strengthened. Then he sets off for forty days and nights traveling what seems to be nonstop until he reached the mountain of God where he spends the night in a cave.

So I started thinking about my own life and times that I have been discouraged like Elijah and poured my heart out to God. The difference I see though is that most of the time when I pour out to the Lord, I turn around and go forward trying to fix the problem....kinda like I'm helping Him out.

I wonder how many times the Lord prompted me to eat, drink and rest so that He could strengthen me for the upcoming journey and I didn't hear or listen because I immediately got up and went into "fix-it" mode. Probably more often than I would care to admit!

And then inevitably I head off on the journey and I don't have the strength or the energy to continue on.

I get tired and have to slow down because I did not rest enough.
I get hungry and thirsty because I did not allow the Lord to prepare me properly.

And then when I have to slow way down or even stop I become frustrated with God and wonder why He would bring me to this place, this calling, without preparing me....never stopping to realize that He offered everything I needed but I did not take the time to listen or fill up on what He had to provide.

So I'm still in a difficult season of my life. I am struggling with finding my joy and I am struggling because I am being called to wait upon the Lord for instruction. But I am trying to learn from Elijah and from God's beautiful, living Word that this might be a time for me to rest and allow God to refresh me, all the while preparing me for the journey that He has planned before me.

Lord, teach me what I need to know.
Water me with what I need to grow.
Feed me and provide me rest,
So when I journey on I'll give You my best.