I Remember....

The other morning I was praying through Psalm 77. 

In the first 9 verses the author writes about a desperate time in his life. 
He is crying out to God but he feels like he is not being heard. 
He is seeking the Lord, but is not being comforted.

I have felt like that before, and I bet you have too! 

I cry out over and over for God to send me strength, or peace in a particular situation and I feel like it falls on deaf ears. 

Sometimes I wonder if God is angry with me...maybe I somehow did something that made Him mad. 
Worse yet is the worry that He is just ignoring me.

But then I come to verse 11.
"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds."

What fantastic wisdom I find in these verses! 

Dwell on what I know!!  
Dwell on what God has done!!

Remind myself of the power God has shown in my life, the redemption! 

Remember the great deeds He has done along the paths that He has already led me on.
The mountains He has moved.
The seas He has parted!

Then, when remembering His power, I can't help but begin to remember His patience and faithfulness during those times. 

The times I rebelled against Him.
The times I dug my heels into the ground not wanting to go where He was leading.
The times I doubted that He could ever get me across the raging sea that stood in my path.
The times I distressed because I thought He was not there.

His repeated faithfulness takes my mind of chaos and brings clarity.

Clarity that reveals that my God Is Here!

My God causes the earth to tremble at His command!  

My God is faithful...over and over He is faithful!

And then I realize that my cries are NOT falling on deaf ears...they are falling on THE ALL-KNOWING EARS OF AN ALL-TIME FAITHFUL GOD!!

And rest comes for my soul.

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Well, yesterday was my birthday!!  44 never sounded so YOUNG! :)

As I sat there being loved on by my family and friends, I thought back on the last year. It was a rough one for us.

We moved three times.
Two of my girls left for college.
We have had a couple of health trials.
Our marriage has had some difficult times.
We have family with serious health trials.
I've also just really had some personal struggles.

One of the biggest struggles that I have had over the past year is the realization that I have not been living the life that I was called to live. I thought that being "good," making the right choices, engaging in some pat-on-the-back/give back activities, going to church, having devotions would fulfill me.

What I realized is that though those things are all good, they were just numbing me to my real calling...reflecting Christ. So I've spent months trying to figure out what exactly that means and this is what I have for now, though I know that God will continue to reveal more to me:

1. There are a gazillion people in this world, Christian and not, that are "good." There is no way to identify me as a follower of Christ by just being "good."

2. The same goes for making right/moral choices, though there are some that would be more of an identifier, they, so far, have not been choices that I have had to make in my life.

3. Pat-on-the-back/Give back activities, though they are great things to do, are most of the time done to either make myself look good or cover over some feeling of guilt I have.

4. Going to church and being the church are two entirely different things. Being the church definitely involves being a part of an assembling body, but it is so much more!

5. Devotions, though they have their place, should never replace study of the living, moving, transforming Word of God.

6. "Normal" is my enemy. It draws me into routine which draws me into comfort, which draws me into stagnation. And stagnant water stinks and can become toxic.

7. Christianity is not for the faint of heart or those that are not willing to go all in. The Bible tells us that we will suffer, have our name slandered, be despised, have our family turn against us, and calls us to take up our cross daily. It is not a pretty or glamorous path.

8. The world will know us by our unity, love, and willingness to suffer for Christ. Right now they know us by our discord, what we are against, and our "blessings" which we tend to equate with material wealth and gain. This is not what we are called to be known by, but we can change it through God's grace.

9. If I don't have a heart for the lost and the church, I do not have a heart like God's.

10. My life will NOT...it can NOT be about me or about this temporary state that I am in. It MUST be based on eternity. Clinging to an eternal perspective is the only way to live the way I am called to.

11. In light of the cross, it is all worth it.

So...now you have another year to wait until I gain a few more nuggets to share!!  :)  I know...that sounds more like a threat doesn't it??!!

Love you guys!!

Prepare Me

Alrighty, so you know how my last post was about the struggle that I have been having lately? Well this post is about something that the Lord has revealed to me during this struggle.

I was reading in 1 Kings 19 about Elijah. For those of you who don't know the story, Elijah became afraid for his life so he left his travel companion and took off alone. He ended up in the wilderness, plopped down frustrated and told the Lord that he had had enough! He told God to just kill him right then and there! Then he fell asleep!!

Well, this hooked me right away because I felt like I could relate. This place that I am in has caused me to fear that this might be with me the rest of my life. And I could also relate to Elijah pouring out to the Lord and then falling asleep!!  I might have had one or two crying episodes on my bed that promptly led to my conking out!!

So while Elijah is asleep an angel of the Lord comes and wakes him up and prompts him to eat and drink...Elijah does. Then he falls asleep again! That pouring session really wore him out!

A second time an angel of the Lord wakes him up and tells him to eat and drink again. This time though the angel continues and say he needs to do this because the journey is too much for him. Elijah consumes the meal and is strengthened. Then he sets off for forty days and nights traveling what seems to be nonstop until he reached the mountain of God where he spends the night in a cave.

So I started thinking about my own life and times that I have been discouraged like Elijah and poured my heart out to God. The difference I see though is that most of the time when I pour out to the Lord, I turn around and go forward trying to fix the problem....kinda like I'm helping Him out.

I wonder how many times the Lord prompted me to eat, drink and rest so that He could strengthen me for the upcoming journey and I didn't hear or listen because I immediately got up and went into "fix-it" mode. Probably more often than I would care to admit!

And then inevitably I head off on the journey and I don't have the strength or the energy to continue on.

I get tired and have to slow down because I did not rest enough.
I get hungry and thirsty because I did not allow the Lord to prepare me properly.

And then when I have to slow way down or even stop I become frustrated with God and wonder why He would bring me to this place, this calling, without preparing me....never stopping to realize that He offered everything I needed but I did not take the time to listen or fill up on what He had to provide.

So I'm still in a difficult season of my life. I am struggling with finding my joy and I am struggling because I am being called to wait upon the Lord for instruction. But I am trying to learn from Elijah and from God's beautiful, living Word that this might be a time for me to rest and allow God to refresh me, all the while preparing me for the journey that He has planned before me.

Lord, teach me what I need to know.
Water me with what I need to grow.
Feed me and provide me rest,
So when I journey on I'll give You my best.