I Despised The Church

I despised the church.

I'm not sure if it was leftover hurts from when I was a teenager, or confusion over the purpose of the church.  It doesn't really matter because I did everything I could to stay out of it. Throughout college I don't really think I attended even one service on my own accord. I loved the Lord, or I felt what I thought was love, but I did not love his bride, the church.

Then I met this handsome guy. Oh the things we do for handsome guys when we are in college!

Church was important to him...very important.  So I went.  And I only went because of him. 

For years into our marriage I continued to fight the idea of church.  I would go, but it was always with my heels dug firmly in the ground.  When we had children I knew that it was important for them to have a foundation in the Word and I knew church would play an important role in that so we continued to go, but I still was not all that pleased about it.

You see, I thought that the church was there to take care of the believers.  So I felt like churches let me down.  I was hurt and angry and very judgmental of the church. 

But then as the years went on the Lord started to teach me about the church and what it was and what it was called to do.  I learned that the church is made up of people, imperfect, sinful people.  Because of this the church will never be able to fill the needs and hurts that I was looking for it to fill, but God could. So I started to allow Him access to areas of my life that I had duct-taped over just to hold it together.

                                                        

The next thing the Lord taught me was that the church was there for more than just to take care of the believers.  The church is there to glorify Him! And when the church does this in unity, it is the most powerful tool we have to spread the love of Jesus and His Word with the world.

John 17: 22-23
"I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one- I in them and you in me-so that they may be brought to complete unity.  Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

And in the book of Isaiah we learn that "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and the malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness and your night will become like the noonday." 58:9b-10

God showed me that you can't truly have a heart for the lost unless you have a heart for His church! Church is more than just a place to learn a few things or get meals while you are sick.  Church is a weapon and a tool!

I am learning every day more and more about the purpose of the church and God's calling on our lives as believers. But I can tell you that my thoughts about the church have changed.  Sometimes it is easy to feel judged and to then become judgmental ourselves about things that are not of Kingdom importance. Sometimes it is easier to just stay home as opposed to getting everyone out the door to attend a church function.  

Hear me clearly..."Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  Ephesians 6:12

Your battle is not against the lady that you don't like sitting two pews in front of you.  It's not against the teacher that you disagree with. And it is not against the pastor that you find nap worthy.  No, it's against the enemy and he wants nothing more than to destroy the bride of Christ, Jesus' church.

See this for what it is, a battle.  If we will unite in Christ and in His love the world will know who has sent us! If we put away our pointing fingers and malicious talk and instead throw ourselves into serving the poor and the oppressed, our light will make the night become like noon!

The Lord loves His Church...and we need to decide, do we want to be a part of building it up or tearing it down?

Ash Wednesday Word Prayer - Hope

You receive it in the form of a baby's cry
You need it when your loved one dies

You feel it when the morning breaks
You need it when your whole world shakes

A confident expectation of something to come
That you hold on to when life leaves you numb

Waiting for  the first morning light
It's hope that gets you through the night

The world finds hope in money and things
Security, stability in whatever life brings

That kind of hope if fleeting, does'nt hold up, is not strong
It disappears, falls down, collapses when things start to go wrong

The kind of hope I speak about is a living entity
It is found in love, the kind that was shown by a man upon a tree

It was a King who brought hope down to earth
Though there nothing special surrounded his birth

A majestic King who laid down his crown
Taking the form of a man he laid his life down

Down for his subjects, as some kings do
But there was something special, something new

He could have wiped away enemy's with the swipe of a hand
He could have called 10000 angles to help him stand

But instead he took our filth and our sin and our shame
He took it to the cross, he took our blame

And in taking away, he instead gave a gift
A gift that he left us would fill in the rift

Between God King and subjects no matter the past
He left hope in the future, in things that will last

Hope is a gift, a living entity
That our God King died for you and for me

The Confession of a Martyr Doubter

Oh Father God...

I opened up the news yesterday and was greeted with a picture of men with black bags over their heads standing behind men on their knees wearing orange.  I didn't have to read far before I knew what the picture depicted...Your people being murdered on account of their faith in you.

Your children losing their lives so that they might have life....life in You.

An eternal perspective as opposed to a temporal.

Mark 8:35 tells us that "whoever loses their life for Christ and for the gospel will save it."

The people in the picture lost their life for Christ.

Would I?

I would love to answer with a resounding YES!!  I would give my life for Christ.

But then I think about what I am giving Him now...and what I am keeping from Him.

I have to wonder and I have to doubt.

We might not all be called to become martyrs for our faith, but we are all called to lose our lives for Christ and for the gospel.

What would my life look like if I really lost it for Christ.....if I really gave up my hold and my claim on my life and gave it up for Christ?

First of all my life would be an adventure!  God calls us to go to all of the world and spread the good news..His good news!  Whether it be in another country, city, or neighborhood I would be going out.  I would not be content to just come home each day and stay in the safety and serenity of my home.  I would be an adventurer!!

I would also be a lover! It would not matter your past or even your present, I would love you.  I would be so concerned with your future that the blips you've had on your life radar would not even register with me.

I would NOT be the star of the Kristi Show!!  Nope, I would be thrilled to be considered part of the supporting cast!  My plans and my desires would always be second...third...fourth...fifth...  Get my point?
                       

So this morning, as I begin a new day, my heart is full of respect and admiration for those who have literally followed Christ to the cross. I pray for those left behind that they will experience the comfort of God as He hears their cries of loss.

And this morning, as I begin a new day, I will choose to die to myself.

I will choose to lose my life for Christ and for the gospel by walking away from predictability and stepping into the adventure of faith!

I will choose to lose my life for Christ and for the gospel by loving!  I will allow the Spirit to help me filter the words that come out of my mouth and be thoughtful of the actions I take while He works on the areas of my heart that I have kept hidden and secret from His Love.

I will choose to lose my life for Christ and for the gospel by giving up the lead role!  I will make a conscience choice to turn over each day to the Lord and live it according to His lead and not my own.

And maybe, through the daily practice of sacrifice and dying to self, if I am ever called to martyrdom, I will be able to walk into that calling with the faith, peace and joy that only God can provide.

The Radical Experiment - Pray For The Entire World

The first part of the Radical Experiment is to pray for the entire world over the course of a year.  Rather than a general...God bless the world....prayer, the author, David Platt, encourages you to pray for each country specifically.

Though this might seem like a daunting task, it is made easier by Operation World.  They have broken down the general prayer needs of each country as well as statistics and relevant information about each.  They have a free version on their website: Operation World.  They also sale it in book form with the title "Operation World."


I have not found another resource comparable to Operation World, but if anyone knows of one please let me know!

Now, you might be wondering why we would be challenged to pray for the entire world.  The answer is pretty simple on this one!  God has a heart for the nations!!

Scripture demonstrates over and over how much God cares for the entire world.  In Matthew 24:14 and 28:19, Mark 11:17, 13:10 and 13:27 are just a few verses that let us see into the passion and desire that God has to draw every tribe and every nation to Him.

It is easy to let our hearts become so full of all we have...all we feel blessed with that we don't leave room for the rest of the world.  But you see, our hearts should be for the world.

John 17: 22-23 tells us:

"22 The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, 23 I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. "

In this chapter Jesus begins by praying for his disciples and then he begins to pray future believers. He prays that we will be unified in Him as He is in the Father so that the world will know him and know they are loved!! 

Our hearts should be like Jesus' and herald a passionate beat for the world.  

It is so easy to forget our purpose....and it is all of our purpose...we are ambassadors for Christ according to 2 Corinthians 5:20.  An ambassador is an official representative.  We must go and represent.  

And finally let's not forget Matthew 28:16-20:

16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”



We are tasked with having a passion for people, being a representative of Christ, and going.  

How can I do any of that if I stay in my white, middle-class bubble?  

And how can I burst my bubble without first praying for those whom I am called to serve?

So today, begin a your journey to be an ambassador for Christ and pray for the world!!

The Radical Experiment - 1 Year Challenge

I read a book that, besides the Bible, has been the biggest game changer book in my life.  It is called Radical by David Platt.

I can't even begin to share with you all of the wisdom that I gained from reading this book, but I do want to share the challenge.

At the end of the book Mr. Platt lays out a year-long challenge with the following terms:

1.  Pray for the entire world
2.  Read through the entire Word.
3.  Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose.
4.  Spend your time in another context.
5.  Commit your life to a multiplying community.

I believe that his book is scripturally accurate and he gives the reader some very thoughtful questions to chew on regarding the way we, as believers, are spending our lives.

I want to weekly write about how our challenge/journey is going.  I want to do it not so much as a means of accountability, but as a means of sharing with you what God is doing in our lives!!

Over the next couple of weeks I will take the time to explain some of the challenges as well as give you some tools to use if you choose to take up the challenge.  Also, if you have not read the book and you are interested in reading it, let me know!!  I will do what I can to provide you with a Bible and the book.

Our family began the challenge on Monday, so 2/9/2016 will be our end date.

The Lord has already called us out on a new journey in our lives and I am excited to see how He uses this challenge to glorify Himself throughout it!

Freefall

Tonight I sit and my heart breaks

Tonight I sit and my soul aches

I don’t see how you do it

Step by step in this dark place

A smile plastered on your face

Without God to see you through it

You see, we’re all broken inside

You see, we all have a mess to hide

We can’t hold it together

The pieces will balance for only so long

The façade will only appear to stay strong

For a moment in forever

Without God to hold on to

No light to guide you through

You stumble in the dark

You grasp for things that will give

You a reason to live

And you keep on missing the mark

Just let go of the grip that you have on the wall

Let yourself drop, let yourself fall

He will be there to catch you

It is scary at first knowing not where you’ll land

But you’ll grow accustomed to the feel of His hand

Faith in Him will get you through

Never again in the dark without the light

Never again saving yourself with your own might

There He will always be

He will pursue you to the ends of the earth

It is in Him that you will find your worth

Though with eyes you might not see

Never alone and abandoned no more

Someone to always wait at your door

  

He never ceases to be there

So let go of the grip that you have on the wall

Let yourself drop, let yourself fall.

 Be caught by His hands if you dare

Power in Weakness

Pride.

I think that is the weakness that I struggle with most.  It started when I was young and it is a battle to this day.  It is the part of my flesh that I have the most trouble with stepping out of.  I struggle with it in almost everything I do.

I don't want to.  Sometimes I feel so angry with myself for being prideful that I cry angry tears.  But yet it stays around.  I keep it around.

It is not really pride as in I think I am better than others....it is pride as in I need approval of my achievements from others. 

I want you to like me...appreciate me...love me...approve of me. 

Brianna and I decided that the topic of our next post would be about allowing God to work through our weakness.  Allowing His glory and grace to shine through us.  Allowing His nurturing spirit to trump our ability to handle the mess.  

Today it is my turn to write about it.

You see, I will probably check back on Facebook until someone presses the like button just once regarding this blog and gives me approval.  Then I will rest easy knowing that someone supports me, likes me, appreciates me.

I'm Prideful like that.  

I can only imagine the number of times that I have swooped in to fix something that was not for me to fix. Using my own power and ability instead of God's.

I think that is what makes our weaknesses so powerful.  Our weakness keeps us out of the way and gives all of the glory to God.  Think of Joshua and the battle of Jericho.  Think of Moses and the Red Sea.  Think of Mary giving birth to the Son of God.

I don't know what God is going to do with my confession.  But I know that in my weakness, He is made strong.  

Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.                2 Corinthians 12:8-10