The Confession of a Martyr Doubter

Oh Father God...

I opened up the news yesterday and was greeted with a picture of men with black bags over their heads standing behind men on their knees wearing orange.  I didn't have to read far before I knew what the picture depicted...Your people being murdered on account of their faith in you.

Your children losing their lives so that they might have life....life in You.

An eternal perspective as opposed to a temporal.

Mark 8:35 tells us that "whoever loses their life for Christ and for the gospel will save it."

The people in the picture lost their life for Christ.

Would I?

I would love to answer with a resounding YES!!  I would give my life for Christ.

But then I think about what I am giving Him now...and what I am keeping from Him.

I have to wonder and I have to doubt.

We might not all be called to become martyrs for our faith, but we are all called to lose our lives for Christ and for the gospel.

What would my life look like if I really lost it for Christ.....if I really gave up my hold and my claim on my life and gave it up for Christ?

First of all my life would be an adventure!  God calls us to go to all of the world and spread the good news..His good news!  Whether it be in another country, city, or neighborhood I would be going out.  I would not be content to just come home each day and stay in the safety and serenity of my home.  I would be an adventurer!!

I would also be a lover! It would not matter your past or even your present, I would love you.  I would be so concerned with your future that the blips you've had on your life radar would not even register with me.

I would NOT be the star of the Kristi Show!!  Nope, I would be thrilled to be considered part of the supporting cast!  My plans and my desires would always be second...third...fourth...fifth...  Get my point?
                       

So this morning, as I begin a new day, my heart is full of respect and admiration for those who have literally followed Christ to the cross. I pray for those left behind that they will experience the comfort of God as He hears their cries of loss.

And this morning, as I begin a new day, I will choose to die to myself.

I will choose to lose my life for Christ and for the gospel by walking away from predictability and stepping into the adventure of faith!

I will choose to lose my life for Christ and for the gospel by loving!  I will allow the Spirit to help me filter the words that come out of my mouth and be thoughtful of the actions I take while He works on the areas of my heart that I have kept hidden and secret from His Love.

I will choose to lose my life for Christ and for the gospel by giving up the lead role!  I will make a conscience choice to turn over each day to the Lord and live it according to His lead and not my own.

And maybe, through the daily practice of sacrifice and dying to self, if I am ever called to martyrdom, I will be able to walk into that calling with the faith, peace and joy that only God can provide.