Death....we are born into it. We walk in it, like zombies walking the streets. Many times we don't even realize we are the walking dead.
Dawning...a realization that there is more than roaming looking for ways to feed our dead souls. A realization that there is another option...another way to live that actually involves being alive.
Drawing...a force so powerful, so beautiful, so all-consuming that draws you closer. The closer you get you begin to see something...light, life.
Daybreak...the first beams of that beautiful light that begin to illuminate the darkness. Once you realize there is something to see, you want more!
Desire...you begin to realize that though you try and try you cannot add more to the light you see. But you also begin to understand that you NEED more.
Dazzle...the moment you learn that all you must do is ask and the light, Jesus, breaks all darkness and is all consuming.
Deploy...how can you not? You remember the darkness and you know the beauty, peace and joy that comes from the light. You also know that the Light's desire is to illuminate for all, and you love the Light.
Death...we are born into it, and as we draw our last breath on this earth, our bodies succumb to it. But it no longer has a hold on us. Instead, death is our gain, our final step from this life into glory!
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Monday, November 23, 2015
Condemned Woman Walking
This past week there has been a theme to my Bible readings and studies. Picture this with me....
Jesus approaches the woman at the well and is able to tell her life story. It's not pretty.
The woman in John who is caught in the act of adultery and dragged into the temple to be stoned. Adulterer!
The woman who pushes through a crowd, unclean because of constant bleeding. The law says she is to remain in solitude until seven days after her bleeding stops. Anyone she touches becomes unclean too. She reaches out and touches Jesus.
The woman with the alabaster jar. In Luke it says that she was a sinner. In all of the Gospels it is implied that the people eating with Jesus at the very least saw her as ignorant for wasting such an expensive item when it could have been used for other "greater" things.
These women...these stories...they have one thing in common.
Each woman, for a passing moment of time, set themselves up in front of the Savior of the World to walk in...Condemnation.
The woman at the well is living in sin, as is the adulterous woman in John. The woman that is bleeding blatantly breaks the law. Everyone in the room considered the woman with the alabaster jar ignorant and a sinner.
These women deserved condemnation from Jesus. They were law-breakers. Sinners.
The people around them were there, ready to throw rocks at them. Rocks that scream CONDEMNATION! Rocks that break people.
We, like these women, deserve condemnation. We sin.
Sometimes our sins are hidden or they might be more "acceptable" sins.
Sometimes our sins are blatant. Out in the open for everyone to see.
Sometimes we are surrounded by people holding rocks. Ready to scream CONDEMNATION at us. To break us.
Sometimes we feel like Jesus is standing with them. He deserves to be doesn't He? He is the only one with no sin who can throw the first stone.
So many times in our lives this is where we rest. Where we walk. This is where we find our identity.
But if you finish reading each of these stories you will notice that though He is worthy of throwing that stone He doesn't.
My fellow Child of Christ, you might be walking today in condemnation. Thinking that you know the heart of God and that is what you deserve. And you will be correct. You do deserve that....the women from scripture did....we all do.
But Romans 8:1 speaks of a different heart "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Jesus came to reconcile. To restore to favor. (Strong's Concordance) 2 Corinthians 5:18 says "Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,"
Romans 5 tells us that God's heart for us was reconciliation even when we were His enemy! When we hated and despised Him, He planned for our rescue. He planned to draw us into Him. He planned to reconcile us to Himself!
So if you are walking today in condemnation, step out of it!! Walk in the reconciliation that is calling to you! Calling to you with the sweet voice of His Word.
Walk in Christ.
He, the only one worthy of throwing that stone, has dropped it.
Stop standing there waiting to be hit and broken.
You are restored and whole!!
Jesus approaches the woman at the well and is able to tell her life story. It's not pretty.
The woman in John who is caught in the act of adultery and dragged into the temple to be stoned. Adulterer!
The woman who pushes through a crowd, unclean because of constant bleeding. The law says she is to remain in solitude until seven days after her bleeding stops. Anyone she touches becomes unclean too. She reaches out and touches Jesus.
The woman with the alabaster jar. In Luke it says that she was a sinner. In all of the Gospels it is implied that the people eating with Jesus at the very least saw her as ignorant for wasting such an expensive item when it could have been used for other "greater" things.
These women...these stories...they have one thing in common.
Each woman, for a passing moment of time, set themselves up in front of the Savior of the World to walk in...Condemnation.
The woman at the well is living in sin, as is the adulterous woman in John. The woman that is bleeding blatantly breaks the law. Everyone in the room considered the woman with the alabaster jar ignorant and a sinner.
These women deserved condemnation from Jesus. They were law-breakers. Sinners.
The people around them were there, ready to throw rocks at them. Rocks that scream CONDEMNATION! Rocks that break people.
We, like these women, deserve condemnation. We sin.
Sometimes our sins are hidden or they might be more "acceptable" sins.
Sometimes our sins are blatant. Out in the open for everyone to see.
Sometimes we are surrounded by people holding rocks. Ready to scream CONDEMNATION at us. To break us.
Sometimes we feel like Jesus is standing with them. He deserves to be doesn't He? He is the only one with no sin who can throw the first stone.
So many times in our lives this is where we rest. Where we walk. This is where we find our identity.
But if you finish reading each of these stories you will notice that though He is worthy of throwing that stone He doesn't.
My fellow Child of Christ, you might be walking today in condemnation. Thinking that you know the heart of God and that is what you deserve. And you will be correct. You do deserve that....the women from scripture did....we all do.
But Romans 8:1 speaks of a different heart "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Jesus came to reconcile. To restore to favor. (Strong's Concordance) 2 Corinthians 5:18 says "Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,"
Romans 5 tells us that God's heart for us was reconciliation even when we were His enemy! When we hated and despised Him, He planned for our rescue. He planned to draw us into Him. He planned to reconcile us to Himself!
So if you are walking today in condemnation, step out of it!! Walk in the reconciliation that is calling to you! Calling to you with the sweet voice of His Word.
Walk in Christ.
He, the only one worthy of throwing that stone, has dropped it.
Stop standing there waiting to be hit and broken.
You are restored and whole!!
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Drive to Wisconsin!
Okay, so we head out Sunday evening and drive for 11 hours to Des Moines, Iowa!! I thought the drive would be pretty miserable, but it was incredible.
As we drove north the trees changed from the green leaves of Texas to gradually these beautiful shades of red, orange and brown. Also, eleven hours in the car is an fantastic opportunity to talk to any sweet daughters who happen to get stuck in there with you!
One thing we did notice is that our thermometer slowly started dropping!
So we leave Iowa Monday morning and head into the beautiful state of Minnesota. First thing I noticed driving over the state line is that I passed two state trooper cars not even five miles into the state!
And then there was the third!
Well I passed him, but I try really hard to obey the speed and traffic laws so I definitely was not speeding. So when I saw him pull out behind me I figured he was heading after someone else. But then those lights went on and there was no mistaking he wanted ME over!!
This is the first time in my adult life that I have ever been pulled over so to say I was FREAKING out would be an understatement! As I'm pulling over I'm telling Emaleigh to find my license and she gets it. Then I put my hands on my steering wheel like I remember learning in drivers ed and wait......
He walks up to the passenger side window and greets me and promptly lets me know that I am breaking Minnesota traffic law by having a small metal cross hanging from my rear-view mirror and I needed to remove it promptly!
At first I thought that maybe this was some kind of joke, but I quickly gathered he was not kidding and I took it down. It is a little cross about two inches high and says "God Is Near." Then he asked for my insurance which I had to dig through the gazillion things that were in my glove box and find! I was totally praying that it was in there because I couldn't remember if I had put it there or not!!
Luckily after about five minutes....five LONG minutes cuz remember I was totally still freaking out at being pulled over...he came back and gave me a written warning for a traffic equipment violation.
Truth be told he was very kind and only doing his job, though I think he must have super sonic vision to even have been able to see the thing as I was going 70 down the highway!!
Well, we navigated our way through Minnesota and finally crossed the line into Wisconsin! Finally arriving at our destination which was the home of a dear friend who even had a pot of spaghetti waiting for us and a pumpkin pie in the oven!
I won't lie and say that walking away from Texas was easy, but there is a peace that comes from knowing that you are in the Lord's will that overcomes the fear of the unknown.
Since being here we have been blessed by our brothers and sisters in Wisconsin in providing housing, guidance as to what to do when, and generally just loved on. We have been blessed by our brothers and sisters in Texas through encouraging texts and emails that always seem to come at just the right time!
And we have been blessed by a loving Father who has been faithful to us, not bringing us here and then forgetting about us. Faithful to provide us comfort when we are sad and homesick and fellowship when we are lonely. And faithful to renew in us each morning a desire and yearning that reminds us why we are here and why the only thing worth losing everything for is Him.
And we walk in it.
He's a good, good Father.
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God."
1 John 3:1
As we drove north the trees changed from the green leaves of Texas to gradually these beautiful shades of red, orange and brown. Also, eleven hours in the car is an fantastic opportunity to talk to any sweet daughters who happen to get stuck in there with you!
One thing we did notice is that our thermometer slowly started dropping!
So we leave Iowa Monday morning and head into the beautiful state of Minnesota. First thing I noticed driving over the state line is that I passed two state trooper cars not even five miles into the state!
And then there was the third!
Well I passed him, but I try really hard to obey the speed and traffic laws so I definitely was not speeding. So when I saw him pull out behind me I figured he was heading after someone else. But then those lights went on and there was no mistaking he wanted ME over!!
This is the first time in my adult life that I have ever been pulled over so to say I was FREAKING out would be an understatement! As I'm pulling over I'm telling Emaleigh to find my license and she gets it. Then I put my hands on my steering wheel like I remember learning in drivers ed and wait......
He walks up to the passenger side window and greets me and promptly lets me know that I am breaking Minnesota traffic law by having a small metal cross hanging from my rear-view mirror and I needed to remove it promptly!
At first I thought that maybe this was some kind of joke, but I quickly gathered he was not kidding and I took it down. It is a little cross about two inches high and says "God Is Near." Then he asked for my insurance which I had to dig through the gazillion things that were in my glove box and find! I was totally praying that it was in there because I couldn't remember if I had put it there or not!!
Luckily after about five minutes....five LONG minutes cuz remember I was totally still freaking out at being pulled over...he came back and gave me a written warning for a traffic equipment violation.
Truth be told he was very kind and only doing his job, though I think he must have super sonic vision to even have been able to see the thing as I was going 70 down the highway!!
Well, we navigated our way through Minnesota and finally crossed the line into Wisconsin! Finally arriving at our destination which was the home of a dear friend who even had a pot of spaghetti waiting for us and a pumpkin pie in the oven!
I won't lie and say that walking away from Texas was easy, but there is a peace that comes from knowing that you are in the Lord's will that overcomes the fear of the unknown.
Since being here we have been blessed by our brothers and sisters in Wisconsin in providing housing, guidance as to what to do when, and generally just loved on. We have been blessed by our brothers and sisters in Texas through encouraging texts and emails that always seem to come at just the right time!
And we have been blessed by a loving Father who has been faithful to us, not bringing us here and then forgetting about us. Faithful to provide us comfort when we are sad and homesick and fellowship when we are lonely. And faithful to renew in us each morning a desire and yearning that reminds us why we are here and why the only thing worth losing everything for is Him.
And we walk in it.
He's a good, good Father.
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God."
1 John 3:1
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
GO!
Wow! It's been a while since I have blogged! Sorry about that :)
Just like everyone else, our lives have been a bit crazy. So....where to start??!!
Most likely I will not fit everything into this post so let's just jump in from the beginning!
Most of you are aware that our family gains so much joy from working with teens and young adults and most of you also know the incredible joy we get from working with some of the Native American tribes that are across the US.
This past summer before we headed out to Wyoming, we took a detour and were able to visit and be a small part of something incredible going on in Wisconsin on the LCO reservation there. We had not been on the road an hour after leaving before William told us that he firmly believed that this was where the Lord would eventually want us. How quickly he did not know.
So when we eventually got home our family began to really pray and seek the Lord's timing. It was difficult at first because we all were thinking something different, yet we knew that one way the Lord verifies His instruction is through others...so we continued to pray.
Eventually I started to get a bit wishy-washy. It was hard to live in such limbo and my fleshly self wanted to settle back into a routine and move on from it. But God was so faithful to keep a bit of unsettled-ness in my spirit that kept me seeking Him and His will.
The same held true for William.
So one day we came together and changed our prayer a bit. We began to confess our confusion and doubt and ask God to close doors and open doors. We told Him that we would walk into and away from whatever He asked us to.
I would say it was about two days later when He began to not just close doors for us, but He slammed them shut. Some of the closing doors were very painful for us to see closed. Some of them we are praying that eventually God will open again.
But for every door He shut, He opened one in Wisconsin. And then slowly (though it feels super fast!) He started to give us a glimpse into a beautiful tapestry that He has been weaving for years. The beauty and intricacy of His plan has been even more incredible that what we had imagined. And He very clearly and very graciously told us again...Go.
So we obeyed...we went.
William is still in Texas renting a room from friends while he is hoping to eventually work remote with his current job but also searching for a job in the area we are at. The Lord has been working mightily in this area this week so we continue to pray. We know that God does not want us separated for long so we know He will be here soon.
And then, with William having full confidence that we were in the Lord's will...one week and two days ago we loaded up what we could in our van and he sent my two youngest girls and myself to Wisconsin before him. We have been so blessed to walk into the arms of incredible friends and ministry partners. We walked straight into a church that we know and love. And my girls walked into arms of friends that they have been building relationships with for years.
One thing that is super neat is that we are in an area that we sooo appreciate geographically! After living in North Dakota for four years we knew that we enjoyed cold weather and snow. We love being outdoors and adore the beauty of God's creation.
There is so much more to the story that I want to share with you, but I think I'll wrap it up for today!
Just know that God has been so faithful to us and we are just in awe of the calling He has put in front of our family and the opportunity we have to share His love with others!
So in the next blog I'll tell you about getting pulled over less than 10 miles into Minnesota!!!
Just like everyone else, our lives have been a bit crazy. So....where to start??!!
Most likely I will not fit everything into this post so let's just jump in from the beginning!
Most of you are aware that our family gains so much joy from working with teens and young adults and most of you also know the incredible joy we get from working with some of the Native American tribes that are across the US.
This past summer before we headed out to Wyoming, we took a detour and were able to visit and be a small part of something incredible going on in Wisconsin on the LCO reservation there. We had not been on the road an hour after leaving before William told us that he firmly believed that this was where the Lord would eventually want us. How quickly he did not know.
So when we eventually got home our family began to really pray and seek the Lord's timing. It was difficult at first because we all were thinking something different, yet we knew that one way the Lord verifies His instruction is through others...so we continued to pray.
Eventually I started to get a bit wishy-washy. It was hard to live in such limbo and my fleshly self wanted to settle back into a routine and move on from it. But God was so faithful to keep a bit of unsettled-ness in my spirit that kept me seeking Him and His will.
The same held true for William.
So one day we came together and changed our prayer a bit. We began to confess our confusion and doubt and ask God to close doors and open doors. We told Him that we would walk into and away from whatever He asked us to.
I would say it was about two days later when He began to not just close doors for us, but He slammed them shut. Some of the closing doors were very painful for us to see closed. Some of them we are praying that eventually God will open again.
But for every door He shut, He opened one in Wisconsin. And then slowly (though it feels super fast!) He started to give us a glimpse into a beautiful tapestry that He has been weaving for years. The beauty and intricacy of His plan has been even more incredible that what we had imagined. And He very clearly and very graciously told us again...Go.
So we obeyed...we went.
And then, with William having full confidence that we were in the Lord's will...one week and two days ago we loaded up what we could in our van and he sent my two youngest girls and myself to Wisconsin before him. We have been so blessed to walk into the arms of incredible friends and ministry partners. We walked straight into a church that we know and love. And my girls walked into arms of friends that they have been building relationships with for years.
One thing that is super neat is that we are in an area that we sooo appreciate geographically! After living in North Dakota for four years we knew that we enjoyed cold weather and snow. We love being outdoors and adore the beauty of God's creation.
There is so much more to the story that I want to share with you, but I think I'll wrap it up for today!
Just know that God has been so faithful to us and we are just in awe of the calling He has put in front of our family and the opportunity we have to share His love with others!
So in the next blog I'll tell you about getting pulled over less than 10 miles into Minnesota!!!
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Worshiping My Children
Okay, so I after reading a lot in the Old Testament about how the Israelite's kept on turning to idols I prayed that God would show me any idols I might have in my life.
Now I was really thinking....Oh God, look how AWESOME I am! I could totally whoop up on those Israelite's cuz You KNOW I don't have any idols before YOU!!
And then, as so often happens when I come to the Lord with a bit of a self-righteous tone...SMACK DOWN!! No, God didn't smack me down but when He started showing me what idols I had in my life....well, let's just say the Israelite's were whooping up on me!
So just to give you a teeny, tiny glimpse into what He showed me...here ya go! Security, CONTROL, Being in on the know, CONTROL, my children, CONTROL!! I'd say I have a bit of a struggle with control :)
I guess the one that really, really shocked me was my children. You see, I had struggled through this one before, or so I thought. You know, trying to come to terms with the fact that my children are not my own, but they are the Lord's and if He calls them to do something other than what I think, that is okay. And I'm not guaranteed to have them for any length of time. So though I in no way claim to have completely turned this over to Him, I would have said I was well on my way. Then....
SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT MADE ONE OF MY GIRLS SAD!! REALLY, REALLY SAD! Not just a cry a tear and get over it sad, but a soul wrenching sadness that claws into a mama's gut and pulls out every bit of mother instinct one can have.
Oh my how it hurt to see her in pain. So I did what any mother would do...I wanted to fix it! But this was something that I really had no way of even beginning to fix. In fact, the only thing I could do was to watch her hurt and that, my friends, was not an option. (Please recall that I mentioned CONTROL as an idol a couple of times earlier :) )
So I prayed. And. I. Prayed. Oh my goodness I needed God to fix it and it was not happening fast enough for this mom. In fact, don't tell anyone but I started to get a bit annoyed that God was not fixing things. Then I began to question what type of Father He really was if he could sit back and watch her like this.
Well....You guys can probably already see a definite problem developing here but it took me a bit longer! Anyways, the Lord began to show me that I was worshiping my children's happiness over Him, thus idolizing them.
Whoa now! My kids say "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am" to me! I certainly don't idolize them...I command respect!!
Yes, well, somewhere between cradling them as infants and commanding respect I started to place their happiness on a pedestal. Really, really tall ones!! :) And when they became unhappy in a way that I didn't understand and couldn't help with, especially if I felt like they deserved the happiness it...well, that kinda became my first priority.
I actually was pretty stinking quick to throw God aside and take up idol.
So, once I could see this I was perplexed as how to proceed. You see in the Old Testament they were told to bash in their asherah poles and bashing my girls was not really an option...whew!! So how do you deal with an idol that you can't avoid. Heck, it is an idol that is a blessing from God! (Isn't it crazy how I can take a blessing and turn it into an idol?)
So here is what I did. First I had to really, REALLY pray. I could not get rid of the idol worship on my own so I had to ask the Lord to do it for me. Slowly...sooo slowly He began to show me what a good, good father He is.
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11
He showed me that it is always good for me to mimic His parenting, but He is NOT going to mimic mine.
What? You mean God can parent in ways other than what I think is right?? You betcha'!!!!
The other thing I learned was to cling to the things the Lord promises for my children.
God will be with them when they walk through difficult times and will keep them from becoming consumed. Isaiah 43:2
He will fill them! Matthew 5:6
God has good works for them to do. 2 Timothy 2:20-21
He will uphold them Isaiah 41:10
They have been made new creations in Christ! 2 Corinthians 5:17
The difference here is that my focus began to change from being solely on my girls to solely on God. And apart from Him there IS NO good for my children.
Once again I am going to close a post telling how I totally do NOT have this down pat yet! I still struggle with putting their happiness or what I believe will bring them happiness ahead of the Lord, but the Lord is faithful to bring my focus back on Him.
Sometimes it is incredibly difficult for me to take the blessing of my children and not cling so tightly to it that I leave no space for the other abundant blessings God has for them and for me. But I am so thankful His mercies are new every morning!! Great is His faithfulness!!
Because He is also a good, good Father to me :)
Now I was really thinking....Oh God, look how AWESOME I am! I could totally whoop up on those Israelite's cuz You KNOW I don't have any idols before YOU!!
And then, as so often happens when I come to the Lord with a bit of a self-righteous tone...SMACK DOWN!! No, God didn't smack me down but when He started showing me what idols I had in my life....well, let's just say the Israelite's were whooping up on me!
So just to give you a teeny, tiny glimpse into what He showed me...here ya go! Security, CONTROL, Being in on the know, CONTROL, my children, CONTROL!! I'd say I have a bit of a struggle with control :)
I guess the one that really, really shocked me was my children. You see, I had struggled through this one before, or so I thought. You know, trying to come to terms with the fact that my children are not my own, but they are the Lord's and if He calls them to do something other than what I think, that is okay. And I'm not guaranteed to have them for any length of time. So though I in no way claim to have completely turned this over to Him, I would have said I was well on my way. Then....
SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT MADE ONE OF MY GIRLS SAD!! REALLY, REALLY SAD! Not just a cry a tear and get over it sad, but a soul wrenching sadness that claws into a mama's gut and pulls out every bit of mother instinct one can have.
Oh my how it hurt to see her in pain. So I did what any mother would do...I wanted to fix it! But this was something that I really had no way of even beginning to fix. In fact, the only thing I could do was to watch her hurt and that, my friends, was not an option. (Please recall that I mentioned CONTROL as an idol a couple of times earlier :) )
So I prayed. And. I. Prayed. Oh my goodness I needed God to fix it and it was not happening fast enough for this mom. In fact, don't tell anyone but I started to get a bit annoyed that God was not fixing things. Then I began to question what type of Father He really was if he could sit back and watch her like this.
Well....You guys can probably already see a definite problem developing here but it took me a bit longer! Anyways, the Lord began to show me that I was worshiping my children's happiness over Him, thus idolizing them.
Whoa now! My kids say "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am" to me! I certainly don't idolize them...I command respect!!
Yes, well, somewhere between cradling them as infants and commanding respect I started to place their happiness on a pedestal. Really, really tall ones!! :) And when they became unhappy in a way that I didn't understand and couldn't help with, especially if I felt like they deserved the happiness it...well, that kinda became my first priority.
I actually was pretty stinking quick to throw God aside and take up idol.
So, once I could see this I was perplexed as how to proceed. You see in the Old Testament they were told to bash in their asherah poles and bashing my girls was not really an option...whew!! So how do you deal with an idol that you can't avoid. Heck, it is an idol that is a blessing from God! (Isn't it crazy how I can take a blessing and turn it into an idol?)
So here is what I did. First I had to really, REALLY pray. I could not get rid of the idol worship on my own so I had to ask the Lord to do it for me. Slowly...sooo slowly He began to show me what a good, good father He is.
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11
He showed me that it is always good for me to mimic His parenting, but He is NOT going to mimic mine.
What? You mean God can parent in ways other than what I think is right?? You betcha'!!!!
The other thing I learned was to cling to the things the Lord promises for my children.
God will be with them when they walk through difficult times and will keep them from becoming consumed. Isaiah 43:2
He will fill them! Matthew 5:6
God has good works for them to do. 2 Timothy 2:20-21
He will uphold them Isaiah 41:10
They have been made new creations in Christ! 2 Corinthians 5:17
The difference here is that my focus began to change from being solely on my girls to solely on God. And apart from Him there IS NO good for my children.
Once again I am going to close a post telling how I totally do NOT have this down pat yet! I still struggle with putting their happiness or what I believe will bring them happiness ahead of the Lord, but the Lord is faithful to bring my focus back on Him.
Sometimes it is incredibly difficult for me to take the blessing of my children and not cling so tightly to it that I leave no space for the other abundant blessings God has for them and for me. But I am so thankful His mercies are new every morning!! Great is His faithfulness!!
Because He is also a good, good Father to me :)
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Feeling Let Down By God
God let me down.
He left me alone and in despair. I looked for Him, I cried out for Him but He was nowhere to be found.
I was obedient to His instructions and I held fast to His promises. And then, when I needed Him He was not there for me, and I did not know what to do.
What is a person to do when they are abandoned by someone they completely trusted?
How do you take the next step when the author of your steps has left?
Well....you don't. Or at least I didn't. I just stood there in disbelief and in jaw gaping wonder of how this could have happened and how everything I had based my life on was shaky. I stood there trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other and go on after the Creator of all things deserted His creation.
Sometimes the only way you can get that next step is through hope and when that is taken away, how are your supposed to proceed?
Then I remembered from my Old Testament reading how all throughout Israel was told to tell stories of God's faithfulness. Remember the past. So I did.
I remembered God's faithfulness when we conceived our third daughter. I remember His faithfulness through the deliveries of our youngest two daughters.
There was a time soon after we were married that we were high on love but very, VERY low on money. The Lord sent a random check in the mail. He was faithful!
When my husband was laid-off from work God was oh so faithful to provide a new, better fitting job!
He healed me from disease.
God has been nothing but faithful to me.
Then I began to thank Him for this faithfulness.
A funny thing happens when you pour thankfulness into one's heart...the anger and despair becomes engulfed by the thankfulness. You see, scripture tells us over and over the power of a thankful heart!
So now I am still not taking any steps, but I am able to at least stand on my own. And then in the resting of my feet I am reminded that though it might not look like my God is there and it might not feel like my God is there, His own pattern of faithfulness says that He is there.
As I continue to rest my feet not knowing how to step forward I am slowly consumed by His presence of peace and of hope. The warmth of His Spirit begins to fill mine and I discover three things.
First, when I doubt Him....REMEMBER Him.
Second, sometimes I need to rest my feet so that my Lord can not only guide me but consume me.
And finally, what felt to me like God letting me down was in actuality just God SLOWING me down. Kinda like with Elijah...I need to eat and drink God's food so I would be ready for the amazing journey He has prepared before me.
So eat and drink what the Lord has to offer, be refreshed, and then be ready to run!
He left me alone and in despair. I looked for Him, I cried out for Him but He was nowhere to be found.
I was obedient to His instructions and I held fast to His promises. And then, when I needed Him He was not there for me, and I did not know what to do.
What is a person to do when they are abandoned by someone they completely trusted?
How do you take the next step when the author of your steps has left?
Well....you don't. Or at least I didn't. I just stood there in disbelief and in jaw gaping wonder of how this could have happened and how everything I had based my life on was shaky. I stood there trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other and go on after the Creator of all things deserted His creation.
Sometimes the only way you can get that next step is through hope and when that is taken away, how are your supposed to proceed?
Then I remembered from my Old Testament reading how all throughout Israel was told to tell stories of God's faithfulness. Remember the past. So I did.
I remembered God's faithfulness when we conceived our third daughter. I remember His faithfulness through the deliveries of our youngest two daughters.
There was a time soon after we were married that we were high on love but very, VERY low on money. The Lord sent a random check in the mail. He was faithful!
When my husband was laid-off from work God was oh so faithful to provide a new, better fitting job!
He healed me from disease.
God has been nothing but faithful to me.
Then I began to thank Him for this faithfulness.
A funny thing happens when you pour thankfulness into one's heart...the anger and despair becomes engulfed by the thankfulness. You see, scripture tells us over and over the power of a thankful heart!
So now I am still not taking any steps, but I am able to at least stand on my own. And then in the resting of my feet I am reminded that though it might not look like my God is there and it might not feel like my God is there, His own pattern of faithfulness says that He is there.
As I continue to rest my feet not knowing how to step forward I am slowly consumed by His presence of peace and of hope. The warmth of His Spirit begins to fill mine and I discover three things.
First, when I doubt Him....REMEMBER Him.
Second, sometimes I need to rest my feet so that my Lord can not only guide me but consume me.
And finally, what felt to me like God letting me down was in actuality just God SLOWING me down. Kinda like with Elijah...I need to eat and drink God's food so I would be ready for the amazing journey He has prepared before me.
So eat and drink what the Lord has to offer, be refreshed, and then be ready to run!
Thursday, October 8, 2015
The Day I Became A Beggar
As I come to write today I am really at a loss of what to say.
Though my past couple of weeks have been full of some amazing times, they have also been seeded with overwhelming despair. You know the kind of despair where you just have to take it minute by minute and pray to God that He sustains you?
This loss of what to say is sorta new for me. If you know me well you know that I enjoy talking...talking to anything and everything that can't get away from me quick enough :)
During my times of prayer I kept finding myself at a loss of what to say too. I had no words to express what I myself could not even understand.
And, as He so often does, my Lord met me there in the silence. And though many times when He meets me there He speaks, this time He wanted me to share.
I fought against it as I had no concept of how to even get through the day, nevertheless explain to the Creator of all things what I was asking of Him.
But He kept me there.
There in the uncomfortable space that lies between being an attentive listener and being a speaker. I didn't like it...at all. I could see no need for it.
There in that space I learned something...I learned how to beg.
A worker I have been. A leader I have been. A beggar...this was new.
But here in the awkward, smothering space I could hold it in no longer. I was incapable of listening and incapable of leading....all I could do was to beg.
Beg for peace and joy. Beg for mercy and grace. Beg for forgiveness and discernment.
The floodgates of my eyes, soul, and mouth opened and poured forth...what? I did not know at the time.
And what I learned has changed my relationship with Christ in a way I had no idea needed changed.
Through the tears and pleas my Jesus met me there.
Though I was brought to the space kicking and screaming, He met me there in peace and in love.
And I saw Him.
The comforter and the lover. The encourager and the healer.
His gentleness surprised me.
His patience shocked me.
His grace was overwhelming.
But most of all His love rocked my world.
My minds eye had an image and He shattered it. He replaced it with one I could not have comprehended.
So what is someone to do that's world has been radically changed by an encounter with Him?
This....
"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20
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